Ok, Contest time.

Ok, let's face it, getting people to read your writing here is like pulling teeth. Seriously. I have put stuff in here to get helpful criticism. I want to get better at writing. A lot better. I put my stuff on here and am disappointed that, even when i whore it out on every single thumbshare post in the forum i get views but no helpful criticism. Some people here look at a short story and just can't be bothered with reading it. Or they read some of it and move on. So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to hold a contest. 2 weeks long. The person to give the best criticism on my story... or part of story that is up, will get a month sub. A month long sub for doing what this site was meant to be about, looking through something and leaving comments. Normally, i wouldn't care. But for this particular story i want to make it as good as possible. Truth is that i am working on a short story book along with a couple of my other friends and this story is going to be my first one, my opening. This will be the story that pretty much says "hey, i'm here!" I don't trust myself to be my own 'editor' on this story. Now, let me explain a little further. I am not looking for someone to say "dude! that was awesome!" or "dude! you fucking suck!" I need helpful criticism. Who ever gives me the most help gets a one month sub. There's a bonus to it also. That same person gets a month sub added on to the one they already won for leaving helpful criticism on any other of my poems and stories. They will also be featured for as long as i'm giving them the sub. And there are a lot to choose from. Entries should be given in note form, none are to be posted on the comments thing at all because i don't want anyone to claim that someone stole their ideas. I think that's fair.
I'll be the only judge.
This is why i miss English class in school. Helpful criticism. Can't believe i miss English class.

The story is called They Came At Night. creativitysucks.deviantart.com…
It starts out with a group of soldiers breaking into a families house in order to kidnap someone. The soldiers are looking for specific people. I need criticism on the beginning... what i posted. The rest of the story will be posted at a later date.

Anyone can enter. But i would prefer it if a fellow writer would do it. There you go, win a one month sub plus bonuses for reading and commenting. if anyone enters, i'll see you in two weeks.